he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
