Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
