Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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