Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
