I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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