What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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