bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think my moral compass just broke
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
