I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
