called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
