I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
