ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
