During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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