i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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