we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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