this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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