New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
