upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
