Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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