i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
