I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
