I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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