I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
