You're my little dorito
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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