you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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