woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize