I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize