i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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