just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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