I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
