did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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