Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
