dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
