The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
