I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
