WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
