she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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