im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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