dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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