One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
