There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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