hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
