Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
