with your own penis?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
