wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
