That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
