I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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