You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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