smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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