ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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