I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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