one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Michael Bay diarrhea
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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