It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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