If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
