I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
