All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
