She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
