I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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