Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize