She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
