Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
4 words: hood of his car
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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