So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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