I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
