whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You are a genius and a whore.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
