she woke up with a sticky ear
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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