When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
