ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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