dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize