I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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