Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
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