fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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