I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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