I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
