1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
