tell your sister to shave her snatch
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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