Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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