Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
