Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
