He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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