Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
