but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
