Fine. I'll sleep in my office
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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