I just cut my nipple shaving
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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